to you -

 The day I stopped checking on you was the day I finally ended an unwritten chapter.

I will look back on your pages with pride. Thank you for gracing me with the knowledge that I can survive after you.

Memo 4678

 Stay single until someone actually complements your life in a way that makes it better not to be single. If not, it’s not worth it.

This.

Memo 333

 Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet, understanding,mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weakness.

Sure

Wisdom teeth will be the death of me. 

Memo 9

I like little gestures that show I’m important, and you enjoy having me in your life.

Memo 554433

Leave me alone. 

Memo 16

 Fall in love with someone that doesn’t make you think love is hard. 

Memo 734

 Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and forgiving heart. Be the one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them. 

Memo 8531

 My happiest hours are those in which I think nothing, want nothing, when I do not even dream, but lose myself in some spurious vegetable torpor, moss growing on the surface of life. Without a trace of bitterness I savour my absurd awareness of being nothing, a mere foretaste of death and extinction. 

Memo 10

He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.

Memo 1

Karma is a bitch. 

Memo 3

The best feeling in the world : coming home and having your soon to be one year old fall asleep in your arms. 

Memo 222

 Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together?  Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences. 

Memo 16

 I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me… but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst… And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life… You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry… you will someday. 

Memo 124

If only memories could be deleted like pictures 

Memo 109

Declare yourself as more than an apology. A tribute to Forgiveness. A promise that never came out right. Be what you tried to pour into others, only for them to shrug off. Be it all. 

Memo 236

 Do you think its possible that some people are born to give more love than they will ever get back in return? 

Memo 1818

Just open the door and put all those thoughts in there. Lock them away for another day. 

Memo 72

 You were red. You liked me cause I was blue. You touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky and you decided purple just wasn’t for you. 

Memo 47

 I can’t be shaken anymore, by anyone. I’ve got to that point in my life that if you’re not a good person, and you can’t make me feel good with love and life, then fuck off, basically. 

dear you

 Does she scare you a little? Good. She should make you fear her love, so that when she lets you be apart of it, you won’t take it lightly. She should remind you of the power that beauty brings, that storms reside in her veins, and that she still wants you in the middle of it all. Do not take this soul for granted, for she is fierce, and she can take you places that you never thought you could go; but she is still loving in the midst of it all, like the calm rain after a storm, she can bring life. Learn her, and cherish her, respect her, and love her; for she is so much more than a pretty face, she is a soul on fire. 

Memo 1743

 Cut the poison out of your life. No matter what - or whom - it may be. 

Memo 472683

 Make the first move, tell people how you feel, stop being so scared of rejection, stop feeling so engulfed with thoughts that aren’t even yours, and stop wasting your fucking time. 

"Home"sick

 I am homesick for a place I am not sure even exists. One where my heart is full. My body loved. And my soul understood. 

Memo 5

 Why should we build our happiness on the opinons of others, when we can find it in our own hearts? 

Un.break.broken

 What is heartbreak? It’s when you thought you had forever on the clock, and the other person decided to stop time. It’s everything, and then nothing, a cold hand, and silence on the other end of the phone. Wanting to say good morning, but instead, having to greet the day, and everyday, with no one around. It’s the knot in the back of your throat, the warmth and stickiness that a tear leaves on your cheek; but in the end, it’s growth, and weakness learning to be strong. 

Owen.

 You are fixing 
the parts of me
that I didn’t think
were possible
to mend.
You understand 
the parts of me
that I am still 
trying to
comprehend. 

A couple wrongs make a right

 I think you need to fall in love with the wrong person. I think you need to fight and cry and sweat and bleed and fail. I think you need to have bad relationships and bad breakups. I think you need all of that so that when the right person and the right relationship comes along you can sigh with relief and say, “Ah yes. That is how its supposed to feel.” 

Memo 432

 

There’s a difference between somebody who wants you and somebody who would do anything to keep you.

 

Remember that.

 

Memo 32

 You can’t keep dancing with the devil and ask why you’re still in hell 

unlock the door To the suffocation keep

People are strange, thats why we're strangers Words go in, they don't come out

Memo 12

Just because you feel it doesn't mean it's there 

To those people -

 I am so sorry to all the people I hurt while I was hurting. 

Memo 1984

 Let them miss you. Sometimes when you’re always available, they take you for granted because they think you’ll always stay. 

Memo 3024

 Don’t ever feel bad for making a decision that upsets other people. You are not responsible for their happiness. You are responsible for your happiness. 

Smile

 Get excited about the little things. About wearing a new outfit for the first time. About Sunday brunches with your best friends. About the new cute guy in your class. About finding an extra dollar in your pocket. About anything that even remotely makes you happy because as you grow up, passions fade and enthusiasm gets mistaken for foolishness. So don’t let the grey world stop you from shining. 

memo 4538

Don’t be afraid to open up again. I promise not everyone will love you with a knife behind their back.

 

Shine

 I want to be your favorite place to go when you’ve had a bad day or a good day. 

saying nothing

 I have so much I want to tell you, and nowhere to begin. 

Owning your okayness

 I knew I matured when I realized every situation doesn’t need a reaction. Sometimes you just have to leave people to continue to do the lame shit that they do. 

how it goes

You fall apart and then it stops. 

boom.

I think relationships in general are over romanticized like at the end of the day I’m pretty sure a good relationship is just two people who know how to hang out and talk to each other, not whether or not they can right all your wrongs or paint a picture of a thousand suns with the breath from your lungs or some shit.

Just be there.

Show me all your bruises. I know everybody wears them.

Tell your stories to me. Show your bruises. Let’s see what humanity is capable of handling.

Tell me what your worst fears are. I bet they look a lot like mine. Tell me what you think about when you can’t fall asleep at night. Tell me that you’re struggling. Tell me that you’re scared. No, Tell me that you’re terrified of life. Tell me that it’s difficult to not think of death sometimes.

Tell me how you lost. Tell me how he left. Tell me how she left. Tell me how you lost everything that you had. Tell me that it ain’t ever coming back. Tell me about your God. Tell me about love. Tell me that it’s all of the above. Say you think of everything in fear. I  bet you’re not the only one does.

Everyone in the world comes at some point to suffering. I wonder when I will. 

Everyone is out searching for someone or something. I wonder what I’ll find. 

real eyes realize real lies

 Growth is painful. Change is painful.But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong. 

Telling verses being

And I told you to be patient,

And I told you to be fine,

And I told you to be balanced,

And I told you to be kind.

Memo #3

It is okay to break down and cry. 

Just give me a minute or two

But sometimes you just want to be held for a minute or two with no talking just silence, knowing that everything will be okay. And you feel safe in those arms. Safer than you ever felt before. Safe. and everything around you just seems to disappear   

And that's why i don't sleep at night...

and i think that i'm justified 'cause i've seen what living's done for those alive - little to none. 

End rant

 If she only wants you, don’t worry about who wants her 

Truth.

Let’s spend our nights eating cereal on the floor.

 It’s not about who you’ve been with. It’s about who you end up with. Sometimes, the heart doesn’t know what it wants until it finds what it wants. 

days turn into nights

Today are days I live for. Today I felt alive. Laughing with great friends and babies means more to me than I ever thought. Treasure what you have right in front of you and stop searching. 

Memo 2

 Breathe. It’s only a bad day, not a bad life. 

be you.

 be softer with you. you are a breathing thing. a memory to someone. a home to a life. 

Home is where your heart is

"This place is not home. Just a place for me to sleep."

You deserve it all.

Someone told me today that I deserve to be someone's smile. That I deserve love. And that I deserve it now. 

I said no I don't deserve love now... 

I deserve happiness, trust, and loyalty and love will follow. 

Let's just pretend

let's just forget: everything said, everything we did, best friends, better-half's, goodbyes, the other night, the last thing i want to be is overly dramatic. i just think it's best because you can't miss what you forget. 

Every time the moon shines I become alive.

sometimes we climb mountains to make someone smile

"I searched for you to tell you were beautiful privately cause like i said before I always like following you on it. I didn't know your situation in life. So i didn't have the intentions of trying to swoon you or just to have sex with you. I just wanted to tell you were beautiful"

Your breath is your pot of gold

Having everything isn't always everything. What you have is the perfect amount of perfection. Treasure it.

Memo

 Do not make homes out of people. This will leave you homesick and sad. 

I heard they never bleed Not like we bleed

And I came to get hurt might as well do your worst to me.

Breakdown the door

Another night ... Another dream wasted on you .

You can't make homes out of human beings.

Til the day I die

while I was pregnant with Owen knowing I was going to do this all alone I was pissed at the world for everything saying why me? Why was I picked to be a single mom? Like what did I do? I have soo much I wanted to see or do and now I can't. But Now that i have Owen i honestly I can't see my life without him. He came into this world for me for a reason to teach me about happiness and how to love myself as a person and how to love for someone else soo much your heart hurts when you can't do anything for them . He is the happiest baby I have ever seen and I'm not just saying that because he's mine. When he's teething and in pain he's always smiling. When he is crying because he's hungry he's smiling too. In the morning he wakes up with a huge smile on his face. Everytime I get him from day care he has a grin from ear to ear. And let me tell you he really has changed me. I was a miserable, bitter, mean, rash, person prior to all this. And I've done a complete 180 not only for him but for myself. He is the reason I have a smile on my face even tho I slept merely 4 hours. He is the reason I want to succeed in my career because he is my future. He is my wingman til the day i die.

i'm sorry

the axe forgets ... the tree remembers 

Wednesday

Time doesn't stop for anyone

Last 4th of July I was 6 and a half months pregnant watching the fireworks. This year I have a 8 month old and I've been in bed since 9pm. It's so strange how everything can change year to year. And honestly he is my firecracker and brings me more joy than I ever thought possible. 

And I understand.

I understand why people hold hands: I’d always thought it was about possessiveness, saying ‘This is mine’. But it’s about maintaining contact. It is about speaking without words. It is about I want you with me and don’t go. 

Treat a gal right

 Don’t let people treat you like a cigarette, they only use you when they’re bored and step on you when they’re done. Be like drugs, let them die for you. 

It's the little things.

I love waking up to the sound of rain. 

Ahh

When you fall asleep with out setting your alarm for the next morning then wake up in the middle of the night thinking you over slept. 🙋

I'll write a letter one day

Don't you ever wonder how you could have raised such a selfish person he doesn't even care about his own son ? How could someone living know they have a son out there and not care? Does this ever cross your mind?

If I ever disliked anyone it has to be you. You are a wasteland. You are the scum on the bottom of my shoe. 

Perception is everything.

"Guys think you're hot and unique and wanna fuck [you] but the market for taking home a tattooed up single mom....is much smaller.  You're fun to play with but not to keep."

I forgot being heavily tattooed makes me "unique". All guys are looking for these days are a "good fuck".  

tiny human

Sometimes I cant catch a break. Do I envy Owen's "sperm donor" to be able to do whatever he wants to do whenever he wants to and not have to worry about a tiny human 24-7. Do I envy him because he will never have sleepless nights, and he will never worry about making sure Owen is fed and changed. He will never change a diaper in his life. I realize he should be the one who is envious. He should be the one who has regret because Watching Owen grow up is a miracle in itself. Being a parent means more to me then any career or title I could ever have. My son will always be my responsibility and no one else's. I would never force feed someone to be a dad. I would never want that. Sometimes we all make decisions. Sometimes they are great and sometimes they are stupid. Owen has been the greatest decision of my life. He's brought joy to my life in soo many ways that his "sperm donor" is honestly missing this huge chunk of his life that he will never get back. So for those of you who are raising your child with someone else, be thankful for them. Respect them. Cheerish them. And know that there are people out in the world doing it alone and doing it just fine.  

Just a little hello.

There are two reasons why people don’t talk about things; either it doesn’t mean anything to them, or it means everything 

One foot in front of the other.

 Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress, which means you'll get there a little at a time, not all at once.  Life's not a race. Never was. Never will be. It's all about the little things. It's about experience and i still have a whole world in front of me to experience. It's a never ending journey. 

Do we all do this ?

Sometimes when I talk I feel as if should stop dead in my tracks, while my brain keeps on and on. 

 

If you could only feel what I've felt

 Where exactly do you put your hands on somebody who hurts everywhere? 

Where does the good go? 

Sigh

" I slip out and leave a note saying: I didn’t want you to only fuck me, I wanted you to love me. But I didn’t know what to convince you with besides my body.

 ".     

Goodnight.

http://youtu.be/24AZymbXGfM

Everyone has their reason that's the reason we are all going to die

Sometimes it's not about giving up or giving in it's about understanding boundaries and buttons and how people react and don't. If you knew I was dying would it change you? So many thoughts rush in my head so many damn thoughts. If seeing is believing then believe that we have lost our eyes 

Please note

Even the best fall down sometimes

: The moment of impact. The moment of impact proves potential for change. Has ripples effects far beyond what we can predict. Sending some particles crashing together. Making them closer than before. While sending others spinning off into great ventures. Landing them where you've never thought you've found them. That's the thing about moments like these. You can't, no matter how hard you try, controlling how it's gonna affect you. You just gotta let the colliding part goes where they may. And wait. For the next collision

People come in and out of our lives

 I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. And to always know in the deepest part of my soul that no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find our way back to each other.

it's too late.

Step out the front door like a ghost

into the fog where no one notices

the contrast of white on white.

And in between the moon and you

the angels get a better view

of the crumbling difference between wrong and right.

I walk in the air between the rain

through myself and back again

Where? I don't know

i want to feel again

 He was laughing even as we kissed and kissed again. There is no better taste than someone else’s laughter in your mouth. 

Where do you stand?

I don’t want to be 
your entire world, no. 
I would be happy 
just to be your morning coffee, 
your hanging car keys, 
your wallet. 

Something seemingly 
insignificant, 
but if lost throws off 
your entire day.

fight.

Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive. Family, love, sex but we only need one thing to actually be alive. We need a beating heart. When our heart is threatened, we respond in one of two ways. We either run or we attack. There’s a scientific term for this, fight of flight. It’s instinct, we can’t control it or can we?

I never get flowers unless I buy them

 …throw roses into the abyss and say: ‘here is my thanks to the monster who didn’t succeed in swallowing me alive.

Today -

 Everything fell apart in me. How are things with you? 

4:26

 If something burns your soul with purpose and desire, it’s your duty to be reduced to ashes by it. Any other form of existence will be yet another dull book in the library of life. 

 Charles Bukowski 

and you were lying when you said you didn’t love her anymore.

I keep telling myself

Everybody's hell's better than my own

And my hell's my own

I can’t shake this feeling that I'll never be good enough

i just want to lay in a field on a warm summer day looking at the clouds and try to understand 

You just want to feel them breathe.

 

Love doesn’t give you very many choices. When you love someone, you just want to be with them. If they break your heart, you will still love them. Because hearts are easy to break, and though love is tender and sometimes fragile, love isn’t.

Love sort of envelops you. It covers you like a giant shadow, then pulls you in like a blanket. You are so warm. The feeling surrounds you, and no matter how you feel, it is always there. You can’t escape it. But you wouldn’t want to. You are so, so safe. You can’t remember the last time you were this happy. Were you ever? This happy?

Every second you are apart feels like hours. Sometimes, right before you fall asleep, you miss them so much it hurts. You ache for them. Their warmth. Their touch. Their smell. You need them. When you can’t sleep you wish and wish and wish that they would wake up and talk to you. When you dream of them, you wake up smiling. When pain stabs into you, you reach out for them. You cry to them, begging them to hold you and make it all go away, make everything go away.

Love addicts you to its feeling. You never, ever want to lose that feeling. Sometimes the fear of losing love drives people to do crazy things. Like buy a plane ticket. Make a phone call. Run out of a class. Cry. Write. Laugh.

Because when you love someone, you really love them. You give them your whole heart. You trust them. You never want to be away from them. Sometimes, you don’t even need their words. You just need them there.

Love is such an amazing thing, and too many people take it for granted. If you’re in love, don’t let it go. Don’t you dare let it go.

 

I’d choose you. Every goddamned time

 Everyone is someone’s devil.  

 In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.