Sure.

Mouse ears

I'm going to the magical place on earth and I can't wait!! 

back and forth

you were like a wave - coming and withdrawing and coming again and i guess for a while i was happy to be the place you come back to, the destination, the thing you reach before you disappear. i guess for a while it felt good to be immersed in something so vast, even if for scattered moments. i guess for a while you leaving and me being left didn’t matter, or maybe it felt like a price worth paying, the sacrifice you offer gods in exchange for unearthly love. for a while. but see, somewhere along the line the waiting hardened me and the distance made you the enemy and you stopped kissing me gently and touching me softly and you started breaking against me, breaking me, breaking. and still - i stayed, i was the place, the safe haven, the one you come back to. and still. and then you left and left and again and again and at one point it felt like i was either being broken or trying to heal and there was no time in between, no peace. and at one point the price seemed to steep and the love too thin. and at one point i looked out at the sea and thought this is what i want to be. and at one point i became. and at one point i left. you might come back, but i won’t be there. not this time, not again. i might run into you in the ocean, or maybe one day when we are both rain, or perhaps once when we are both nourishing a flower. maybe. but it will be brief, because darling i no longer stay still. 

So be it.

 You cant make somebody be ready for what you’re ready for, and you’re not obligated to wait around either. 

Be happy now

One of the most significant negative habits we should be aware of is that of constantly allowing our mind to run off into the future. Perhaps we got this from our parents. Carried away by our worries, we’re unable to live fully and happily in the present. Deep down, we believe we can’t really be happy just yet—that we still have a few more boxes to be checked off before we can really enjoy life. 

Around my neck

i'm used to carrying things with me, you see. i’ve been dealing with sadness greater than me for years, and some days it almost goes away, almost, some days it’s as light as air, some days. and other days it feels like a mountain on my chest, growing with every breath i take, other days it feels heavier than the world, than all the joy and all that’s good. and see, i’ve learned to live with this, with knowing that life is both light and heavy and that some days are a breeze and others feel like an endless battle, and i know that for me life will often feel like a war and it won’t be about winning, but about surviving. i know this and the knowledge keeps me grounded, keeps me going. see, i also know that some days food will be nourishment for me, some days i will taste it and let myself feel it, feel the goodness of it. and other days, it will burn to swallow and it will feel heavy in my belly, it will feel like the enemy is attacking me from within. some days, it will be easy to eat and others it will feel like a choice between a rock and a hard place and i will know which choice to make and it will, still, feel like a mistake - doing good will feel like doing bad, staying alive will feel like a quiet death. but see, i know this, i know recovery is a process that doesn’t end just because you’re well, because as good as you get, one foot is always hanging off the ledge. i know how to live like this, i’ve learned you see, over the years. and that is why loving you will not be the end of me. that is why loving you the way i’ve never loved anyone and losing you the way i’ve only lost myself will be doable, survivable, possible. because i know you will never be gone, never forever, and the way i feel will change and fade, but never go away - and see - i am finally ok with that. i am ok with carrying you like a necklace around my neck, and some days it will feel like a noose, some days it will feel like i can’t breathe, but most days it will just feel like a reminder of a time long past, it will feel like a wind that is just a little bit too chilly, a memory a little bit too vivid, a hunger a little bit too numb and a bit of an empty smile. but see - i can handle that, i can survive you, i’ve survived worse. 

Daydreams

I want to fall to sleep with you, and I could care less whether it is in layers upon layers of clothing or only our skin -all I really want is to wake up not knowing where I end and you begin. 

In my head

 it’s not that the songs we listened to together remind me of you, it’s that i hear songs i’ve never heard before and i can imagine the smile on your face as you listen to them, i can imagine your fingers tapping lightly on my shoulder, i can imagine you kissing my forehead. i can’t get away from us, because you’re still everywhere, you’re still inside my head.