Dear you part 43

I’m sorry I gave you everything I had without making sure you wanted it. 

Just keep swimming

 You go on by doing the best you can, you go on by being generous, you go on by being true, you go on by offering comfort to others who can’t go on, you go on by allowing the unbearable days to pass and allowing the pleasure in other days, you go on by finding a channel for your love and another for your rage. 

Dear you

 I go through phases. Some days I feel like the person I’m supposed to be, and then some days I turn into no one at all. There is both me and my silhouette. I hope that on the days you find me and all I am are darkened lines, you still are willing to be near me. 

you are the only one that can swim when you are drowning in your own blood.

 You will miss him no matter 
how nicely or how badly he 
treated you and no matter 
how long or how little you 
had him you will miss 
him and you will want him 
to be the one that comforts
you and you will want to know 
why he did this to you and you 
will scream at the world and be 
angry even at the flowers that 
grow from the soil of the earth 
and you will collapse on the floor 
like a leaf falling from its tree and 
you will feel lost like a tourist in a 
foreign city and you will feel so 
numb that you will have to check 
if your heart is even beating and 
I am not going to sugarcoat it for 
you and I am not going to tell you 
that he will come back and lift you 
out of your grave because the truth 
is you will have to stitch your body
back together and you will have 
to be the one that cleans the 
waterfall of tears that have 
splashed your cheeks and no
matter how much you wish 
for him to come back you will 
have to learn that most stars 
are already dead in light-years 
and you have to be the one 
that fixes your own gears of 
your contraption because
you are the only one that can 
swim when you are drowning 
in your own blood. 

You vs me

 I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped. 

Truth 101

 I deserve someone who actually gives a fuck about me because I’ve spent my entire life making other people happy when all they did was leave. 

Memo 986

 I don’t trust words, I even question actions. But I never doubt patterns. 

Memo to self

 

You don’t have to show up to every argument you’re invited to.

 

Memo to myself

 

Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.

 

Losing love is like organ damage

There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on 

The beat goes on

 People leave you out in the cold and get mad when you learn how to get warm by yourself.