sometimes my miserable.ness gets to me and then sometimes i drink. i told myself. i wasnt going to, but it was just wine and not hard hard booze filled with shots and yadda. 3 glasses of wine. did it make me realize anything. more than likely i just become pure shit and just wanted to sleep and not fight with a certain someone anymore.
do i need time to myself again. do i need to retrace steps i took a year ago. what do i need? i remember when i told myself no one was going to drag me down and i was going to shoot for the moon and say fuck you to the rest. super fail.
as of last night realize i pull myself away from uncomfortable situations and just disappear by myself. it's not like i plan it or anything i just dont want to be sitting there with a bunch of people who make me uncomfortable when i dont have to. is this a bad thing? ...
it scares me to think that i am allowing myself to do this. it scares me to think that all i want more than anything is just to make myself happy but i always put others first. all i want is to want nothing and just for things to happen. but ... with wanting nothing there is always a something and with that something is a risk a chance...
am i willing to take it. am i willing to just jump and hopefully you'll be there to catch me.
i think it's safe to say i am not okay and i miss you.
i think it's safe to say that you do make me happy.
i think it's safe to say that you give me a reason to breathe.
i think it's safe to say that im figuring out everything. one day at a time.
i think it's safe to say that i mean it.
i think it's safe to say you've opened my eyes to a whole new world.
i wore black and brown today. it made me think of you.
xoxox
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